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When you think about domestic violence, you probably imagine a tall, powerful man overpowering his female partner. This is the image that is usually shown in media, films and true crime documentaries. But it is not just men who commit violence and abuse in romantic relationships.

The documentary My Wife, My Abuser, which first premiered on Channel 5, recently shot to the . The film depicts the horrifying abuse Richard Spencer experienced from his wife over 20 years, while their three children looked on. Stories portraying women as perpetrators of domestic abuse are , making them particularly intriguing when they do appear.

I have been researching domestic violence perpetration for almost ten years. I've found that female abusers as male abusers of hurting and humiliating their partners.

To be clear, I'm not talking about prevalence—worldwide, domestic violence is a problem that . But framing domestic violence as a problem that is perpetrated by men because they are men, misses important details that simultaneously perpetuates and obscures the experiences of some victims.

In England and Wales, approximately of domestic abuse are male. An estimated over the age of 16 experienced partner abuse in the year ending March 2023 (compared to 4% of women).

is comparable to that of men's in terms of its impact. For example, when male victims are asked about their experiences, they often —being manipulated, isolated and coercively controlled. Some also describe severe physical abuse perpetrated with weapons.

Such abuse has been shown to have for men that are similar to the patterns seen in female victims.

Uncommon cases

The perceptions of "typical" abuse can cloud the ways in which many scenarios are judged. When we ask research participants to judge otherwise identical scenarios about domestic violence, those describing men as the aggressor are than those with women as the aggressor. And .

It is not just the gender of the perpetrator that is influenced by our own stereotypes, it is also age. Adolescent relationships can mirror patterns of abuse seen in adults. And yet, they too are left out of the conversation.

Several weeks ago, a 17-year-old was sentenced to for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Holly Newton, committed when he was aged just 16, and Holly 15. This case prompted the government to look at that domestic abuse victims are recognized by law. Currently, the law only considers domestic abuse crimes if both victim and perpetrator are over 16.

A review of has suggested that physical violence is experienced by 21% of youth regardless of gender. But it also found physical violence was more likely to be perpetrated by girls than boys (25% and 13% respectively). For sexual violence, teen boys were more likely to perpetrate than teen girls, and girls were more likely to be victims.

Changing the narrative

Historically, domestic abuse has solely been , and the power and control that heterosexual men are assumed to hold over heterosexual women in relationships.

We are primed to see women as victims, and men as likely perpetrators. This means that when people are in relationships that break this model, we might not be as quick to spot problems, or to identify domestic abuse when it happens.

This makes certain victims invisible (such as men or ), increasing the risk that the violence and abuse in their relationships will not end. And it makes it harder for them to report abuse and access appropriate support.

A recent where victims were male, found that professionals regularly missed opportunities to intervene because of gender-based stereotypes.

A view that domestic violence is only explained by patriarchy and gender roles can prevent us from tackling its root causes. A complex interplay of risk factors have been repeatedly shown to .

can shape unhealthy coping mechanisms and interpersonal patterns, contributing to abusive behavior in relationships, even in adolescent dating.

Substance misuse exacerbates impulsivity and aggression, while mental health problems may impair judgment and . (the inability to manage emotions appropriately) and insecure attachment styles can manifest as controlling or violent behavior in a relationship.

Ignoring these complex factors in favor of simple gender stereotypes is what makes it difficult for male victims to come forward and make themselves known to services, for .

Practitioners in the field frequently tell me that there are few services available to refer young adults to, and that male victims are not directed to victim support services. This may be either because they are not recognized as victims, or because there is a lack of services available to them. In some cases, .

These views also make it difficult for women who are concerned about their own violent or abusive behavior to come forward and seek opportunities to change. Indeed, across the UK, there are as perpetrators of domestic violence.

Inclusive support services that reflect the reality of domestic abuse are vital to ensure they deserve, regardless of gender or age.

Acknowledging and validating the experiences of male victims doesn't need to detract from supporting women and marginalized groups. Instead, it strengthens the fight against all domestic violence by promoting empathy and equality for all those who are affected by this crime.

If you or someone you know is affected by the issues discussed in this piece, you can get support from charities like , the or

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