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New dads reveal conflict and guilt in the transition to parenthood

Findings from a study into the parenting journey of new dads reveals the complex range of emotions they feel as they adjust to their lives as fathers and supportive partners.

The research in the Journal of Family Studies found the transition to parenthood was not an easy path as the fathers grappled with rapid changes to home and work life as well as unexpected impacts to their own and their partner's mental health.

Some of the men interviewed for the study described feeling "ridiculously unprepared," guilty, lacking in agency and mindful of a shrinking social circle while at the same time finding more satisfaction in their role as new dads than they expected.

Research lead Norma Barrett, from Deakin University's School of Health and Social Development, said the study, involving men across Australia with children aged from newborn to eight years old, offered a fresh perspective on the transition to parenthood as it captured the experiences of fathers further along their parenting journey than previous research.

"Previous studies on dads have mainly focused on the first year of fatherhood when they have no insight into how things will play out for them in the longer term," Ms Barrett said. "This research brings in a broader, more reflective perspective from fathers and adds to the increasing understanding we have of the challenges faced by all new parents, both mums and dads, as they adjust to life with a newborn."

Of particular note were responses from new fathers relating to:

• Financial decision making and career impacts and how this played out over the years.
• The guilt fathers experience, beyond the initial transition to parenthood.
• The lack of agency felt by some men when the bigger caring role they hoped to have with their children was impacted by relationship stress or relationship breakdown.

"Without prompting, many fathers described their journey of parenthood through the lens of their own mental health and that of their partners," Ms Barrett said.

"They spoke openly about grappling with a changing social circle and feeling 'ridiculously unprepared' for parenthood. Fathers also felt like they had one chance to negotiate their work-parenting roles at the beginning of parenthood. Changes to this plan only happened if they were accommodating the needs or preferences of the child's mother or when another baby came along.

"Many fathers were 'default breadwinners' for the family, though some did not want to be. Most of the fathers we spoke to wanted to spend more time with their children than they originally imagined but they also felt like the 'passenger parent,' adapting to the needs of others and not voicing their own preferences or needs for fear of burdening others.

"This often had a significant impact on their relationship with their partners, and in some cases, led to a complete breakdown of the relationship," Ms Barrett said.

Ms Barrett said findings from the study will inform health service providers, employers as well as parents so both mums and dads can better prepare for parenthood and parental decision-making.

"If parents can protect their mental health and their relationships, they'll be more available to focus on the joy of parenting," Ms Barrett said.